مشاهدة النسخة كاملة : you flew
KHUDER_SA
07-09-2002, 09:49 AM
I took the risk and ran after you
I considered all the pains I’ll go through
But I thought It’s too soon
For me to be blue
Then the message of you
Came to ask me
To withdraw
To tell me Your dream has flown
And you have nothing to do
Except to chase her with your eyes
while she flies in the sky
But you stay where you are
And never do another try
Angel
07-09-2002, 10:55 AM
Hi Khuder
To be honost, this's the best piece I ever read by you
Really touching
Thank you
KHUDER_SA
07-09-2002, 11:10 AM
Angel
Your words like a golden crown has been put on my head, by a great person like you
Thank you I appreciate it.
Sami96SA
07-09-2002, 05:03 PM
Khuder
I am not surprised as Angel saying this was the best you could come up with because I know you are able to produce better
It's a nice short-cut piece of message put in a splinded way .. poetic way
Read this again with me
I took the risk and ran after you
I considered all the pains I’ll go through
Something's wrong with the second line gramatically, what do you think it is
I didn't mean to criticise your writing but this one didn't sound right and I thought of letting you know about it
Thanks
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Sami
KHUDER_SA
07-09-2002, 11:31 PM
Thank you Sami for alerting me with my mistake
I think it should have been this way
I considered all the pains I would have been through
I'm still not sure if it is the broken part of the statement or not
please let me have your advice
Thank you
Sami96SA
08-09-2002, 05:14 PM
Hi Khuder
You picked the right verb tense to correct, but unfortunately, you still haven't corrected it right
You rewrote it this way
I considered all the pains I would have been through
It would be correct if you say it like this
I had considered all the pains I would have been through
but, I would write it like this
I considered all the pains I would be through
or better yet
I considered all the pains I would be going through
Thanks Khuder for allowing me to communicate with you in such a civilized way. Please remember that I am not a master in this, and I have my own deficiencies with English, so please don't hesitate to bring my attention to any errors you find in my writings
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Sami
ROMEO
08-09-2002, 10:31 PM
khuder
pal u really amazed me by such a talent u do have
keep it going Bro
~*~Melody~*~
09-09-2002, 08:27 PM
Wonderful writing Khuder
Lovely in its simple rhyme and form
Keep it up
Thank you
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